And I feel good...like I knew that I would

Me and my girls last week :)




Me and JD May of 2011

Me and my bro in law in May of 2010

Me at my friends wedding I lost weight for.

Me and my sweet friend around a year or so after John David was born.

So...I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale (hoping for a certain number) and it showed the number I've been waiting to see for quite some time. I have officially lost 50 pounds! I was overwhelmed with excitement and a sense of pride. As I was basking in my glory I couldn't help to stop and think of my long journey to this point.
All through my teenage years I was very skinny. I didn't realize how skinny I was until looking back at pictures. Even back then I was self conscious and I had a very negative view of myself. I would never think about wearing a 2 piece out in public (not that my parents would let me if I wanted to.) After I graduated high school and Alan returned from his deployment it all went down hill. I gradually started packing on the weight. Time passed by so quickly and before I knew it 2 years had passed, I weighed almost 50 pounds heavier than I did in high school and I found out I was expecting. I gained almost 70 pounds during that pregnancy. After I had him I almost got back down to my prepregnancy weight and then the Postpartum Depression kicked in and kicked my butt. I was so unhappy and turned to food to comfort me. This lasted over a year. I tried different diets, but couldn't stick to them.
It seemed like a blink of an eye and another 2 years had passed and I found out I was pregnant with Allie, weighing 20 pounds heavier than I did when I found out I was pregnant with John David. We were very excited, but especially me because that meant I could eat what I wanted and not have to feel guilty about it. I didn't gain as much weight as I did with the first pregnancy, but after having Allie I weighed more than I would like to share. A friend of mine was getting married several months after I had Allie and I was determined to not be the "fat girl" in her wedding so I started Weight Watchers. I lost almost 30 pounds. After the wedding I guess I lost my motivation and struggled getting back on track. I gained a couple pounds back.
Shortly after Allie's first birthday I found out I was pregnant with Lorali. I gained 40 pounds during that pregnancy. Immediately after having her I started dieting again. I was tired of waking up in the morning and not liking what I saw in the mirror. I was tired of being the one taking the pictures, but never wanting to be in them. I was tired of not feeling pretty. I started losing weight and seeing numbers on the scale I haven't seen in a very long time. I felt good about myself for a change. A couple months later I got a part-time job. Somewhere between work, a full load at school, and a full load at home with the 3 kids I lost track yet again. I gained 15 pounds back before I knew it.
I had to do some real soul searching. I felt myself slipping back into depression and it was my weight that was causing it. I finally had to slap myself in the face and tell myself to snap out of it. I thought, "If you're tired of the way you look and feel then change it! Quit whining and do something about it." Since then I've been consistent with my weight loss. I've reached the 50 pound mark. It has been so exhausting not only physically, but emotionally and mentally exhausting as well. There were so many days I wanted to give up. I would go a week without losing anything and think whats the point? I did it though. It took me almost 6 years to get to this point. There are so many days when I wake up and look in the mirror and still see that fat, unhappy girl I have been for so long. Though I see a physical change, I still have to change my view of myself on the inside. That is my next goal, although I still want to lose 20 more pounds, I need to focus on building my self esteem.
Ok, thats my story. The End :)

Its a cool day for a school day.

Wow, what a day! Words cannot express how sick and emotional I have been over the past couple of weeks every time I thought about John David starting kindergarten. I wasn't nervous about him making friends, or him being a behavioral problem. He's an awesome kid and makes friends so easily. I've been upset about having to go most my day without him. He's never gone to "school" for more than half a day, so this is going to be an adjustment for all of us. I'm going to miss him most during the afternoon when the girls take a nap because that was our alone time together. We usually curl up on the couch (hes a snugglebug) and watch cartoons or play games. I cried most of the morning before taking him to school. I made him cinnamon rolls for breakfast and tried to keep my bearings. I tried to pull myself together, but couldn't seem to hold it all inside. We looked like tourist walking in with cameras around our neck and checking everything out. I couldn't get the video camera to work, but it somehow managed to record mine and Alan's argument over how I was behaving. His principal was standing outside wearing a super silly hat and welcoming everyone. I thought that was so sweet and special. It made us all giggle and forget for a second what was about to happen. We walked in his room where his precious teacher greeted us. John David remembered what locker was his from open house last week and walked right up to it and put his book bag up. He found his seat and started coloring. I said ok babe we have to go and he replied with, "ok mama, don't forget to come back and get me." I'm not sure if he was trying to make me cry at this point! We said our goodbyes and left. When I got home my body felt so exhausted. All the stress and fears that had been leading up to the first day were gone and I felt such relief and could've slept all day. He had a good day and I enjoyed listening to him tell me about it. We treated him to a steak dinner for being such a champ.

Of course I want to see him academically excel, but more importantly my wish for him this first year of school is for him to learn the differences between people. I've always taught him that God made everyone different and special in their own way and this will be the first year he sees that first hand. We've been around the same group of people most of his life and I'm excited for him to learn diversity. I want him to be a friend to everybody, but especially to the kids who really need a friend. John David has a special spirit to him. I pray he uses his kindness to reach out to kids who need to be loved and even now at his young age that he'll share the good news of the Gospel. I know this is going to be a great year for him. I look forward to him maturing and learning.

Internal and Eternal Peace

I would like to take a minute to write about something that bugs me. I really hate when someone passes away and people say Rest In Peace (RIP.) I know it's just a way of giving your respects, but death is not resting. When I hear somebody say that I honestly picture somebody jumping and running on top of somone's grave and them having their "rest" interrupted. Rest in peace should be said to someone before they lay down for a nap or before bed, not after they die. I would love a nap where I could rest in peace.When you die you're either going to heaven or hell. In heaven there will be no resting. We will be busy singing and worshipping our heavenly father. In hell there will be no resting, only constant torment and agony. People make death into what they want it to be. Most of the time its a fictional place they have imagined up to help them sleep better at night. Heaven and hell are real. Those are your only two options when you die, where resting is not nor will ever be on the daily agenda. So....for the love of bond can we please stop saying that? There has to be something better..theres just gotta be!!

These are a few of my favorite things....

As we were packing for our move I came across several items that brought back such sweet and special memories throughout my life. I just wanted to share a few of them.





This was mine and Alan's cake topper at our wedding. It reminds me how blessed I am to be married to the man of my dreams.




This was my great grandmother's. Thankful for my family's heritage and knowing where I came from.

I carried these down the ailse at one of my bestest friends wedding a few years ago. They are so beautiful (just like she is.)

I'm not sure who gave this to me, but it's been in my room since I was a little girl. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of my childhood.

I painted this fish when I was pregnant with John David with one of my best friends in the whole world, Marina. It makes me think of her every time I look it.



I painted this when I was 13 on a family vacation to Arizona. One of my favorite memories with my family.

Welcome back, Kotter.

Wow, I created this blog almost a year ago in hopes to share some of my crazy, busy life as a wife, a mom of three, a student and part time waitress. I guess it all consumed me more than I thought, so I'm going to try this again. I'm not going to recap the past 10 months though.

We've had a pretty exciting summer so far. We took a trip to the beach for Mother's day weekend. The weather was perfect and we had a wonderful time. The last week of May we went to visit my Pop and Diane in Maggie Valley, N.C. for a couple days before heading over to Hickory, N.C. for Alan's younger brothers wedding. And then this past weekend we went to Alan's dads house in Hahira, Ga. to spend Father's Day with him. We spent all day Saturday at Wild Adventures in Valdosta. The water park was so nice in this miserable heat.

We have some pretty exciting things coming up too. We sold our house in Montgomery a couple months ago and have been on the house hunt ever since. We found several houses that we liked, but kept running into problems. Finally, we found a house that we love and hope to close on it in a couple weeks. Also, John David starts kindergarten in the fall. This mama has anxiety about it almost every day! I cannot believe my baby is starting school.

And God said let there be light...

Most of you all know that I started working again. I am now a proud waitress at Larry's BBQ in Daleville. There aren't many places to eat in Daleville and its close to Alan's work so my family has become regulars there. When I saw they were hiring I jumped at the opportunity. I was really nervous about working because honestly I haven't worked in almost 5 years. I got to thinking of how this could be a great missions opportunity for me. I prayed that the Lord would place believers and nonbelievers in my path. And boy did God ever hear the part about placing the lost in my path. Last night was my first night, and all the girls were so sweet to me. They really helped me and made me feel welcomed. I could tell by the way they were talking that they didn't have the joy of Christ in their lives. I was talking with my sister-in-law after work, who is serving overseas right now, and I told her that I kind of felt like she did. Its hard being the only believer in a dark place. I pray my new friends at work can see there is something different about me. That everything I say and do will be pleasing to His eyes. I pray that the Lord will provide times for me to share my testimony and be a LIGHT not a dim light, but like a brand new bulb that lights up the whole room. Please pray for me too. Thank you Lord for your love and mercy.

And the list goes on...

Today has just been one of those days. The kids are really on it, so instead of being frustrated with them I've decided to list some of the things I love about them.
John David--has one of the sweetest most tender hearts. I have never met another four year old love Jesus as much as he does. Everyday he asks me to tell him the story about Jesus and how he died on the cross for us. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he decided to be a preacher he grows up, but like my mama says, "You don't tell him that, you let God tell him." We can be riding down the road and I'll have the radio on a secular station and he'll say, "Mommy, I want to listen to a Jesus song." Thank you Lord for using my four year old to hold me accountable. He loves Spiderman, Ironman, Thomas the Train and currently obsessed with the movie The Incredibles.
Allie--she has to be the silliest two year old on the planet. She is so funny! She can make me laugh even when I don't feel like it. I call her my mini-me. She has the most beautiful brown eyes and has a stare that could cut glass! I know she's only two, but you seriously don't want to get on her bad side. The girl loves to dance and wears her sunglasses all the time, even when we're inside somewhere. That's just how she rolls. She loves to copy her older brother, baby dolls and The Backyardigans.
Lorali--that little six month old angel has really tested her mama's patience, but we are so incredibly blessed to have her as our daughter. Most of you know we had a rocky start with her. I had to deliver at 35 weeks due to complications and for a while I thought she wasn't going to make it, but our God is merciful and an all powerful healer and healed her precious body. When we finally got home with her she had horrible colic the first five months and cried nonstop! I didn't think it was possible for a baby to cry so much. She is doing much better. She has a smile that lights up a room. I look at her and my heart melts. I can't imagine my life without her.
I am so blessed to have my three precious babies! I am thankful that the Lord trusted me enough to give me children to raise and teach them about Him.